It’s been a while, my loves…. A loooong damned while, and for that, I apologize….
When I started this adventure, into trying to capture my World, I had no plan… I would see where things took me…. I did not expect it to take me out of the World, so to speak…..
2013 was a year of very mixed experiences for me, it had it’s positives, but definitely also it’s negatives…..
When I say negatives, I do not mean many negative experiences, but a lack of, as the picture says, mentally profits…. Now, that picture was from January 2013, I checked again in April this year, and Google HAS updated the translation to “mental resources”, which, I believe, is the correct translation of mentalt overskud….. But I absolutely LOOOVE the term “mentally profits” 😀
2013 was a bad year for me, regarding mental resources…. And so, My World In Words suffered for it…. That was never the intention, or the plan….
On the other hand, 2013 DID have it’s bright spots, also…. One of them I shared with you guys already, namely Karsten, or the Danish IT Guy, as I believe his alias here on WordPress is 🙂 (I’ll link to his very own attempt at a blog, down in the comments 🙂 )
Last year saw the end of my relationship with my old psychiatrist, who was forced to retire by the Danish Health Organization, I guess you would call them (Sundhedsstyrelsen)…. It was a matter of principle for him, he did not believe it was anybody’s business what he talked with his patients about, regarding their health, and I can see that, I really can 🙂 Now, I have been with him, on and off, since 2005…. He was my first psychiatrist, and I really liked him, an elderly gentleman, but we kinda clicked… 🙂
Last fall a psychiatrist from Hobro was in the media a lot, for having misdiagnosed a lot of his former patients…. A friend of mine was among them…. The psychiatrist’s (whose name I have happily forgotten) go-to diagnosis was Paranoid Schizophrenia, and he used to drug his patients very severely, my friend among them….. I saw and heard some clips with the guy and he practically said, even though people hadn’t even shown signs of the illness, that he could “see the madness lurking beneath the surface, he could see it in their eyes…”…. Needless to say that I believe that guy is off his rocker…
I found out that my psychiatrist and that other one, were friends…. Are friends, for all I know…. That was a surprise to me, because I had never questioned my psychiatrist before….
Back in 2005, I had just moved, had gotten a new doctor too, and she had recommended my psychiatrist to me, among others, and his name had been the first one I had called, and I liked him straight off the bat….
Now, looking back, I can appreciate that maybe that wasn’t the best choice…. But I liked him, I still do, but I will admit that I am glad that I am not with him anymore…. 🙂
Now, I don’t want you to worry about me, anymore than what you may be doing already, I am okay 🙂 I really am…. 🙂 I have a new psychiatrist, since February, also a recommendation, but this time from my doctor of the past almost five years 🙂 And his judgment I really trust 🙂
My new psychiatrist is a woman… 🙂 And I REALLY like her, she seems to be very good, and very thorough…. And she does not believe in medicating without a damned good reason, which I really appreciate 🙂
And here we are, at the crux (can I use that here? ) of this post….
Now, don’t get me wrong, I had all intentions of writing you guys, I really did, I just…… I was finding it really hard…. Because I didn’t know how to go about it…. But then yesterday happened, and it left me thinking…. Quite a bit….
And, so, here we are…. 🙂
So….. I had an interesting session yesterday….. Or, conversation, as it were… I went to see my psychyatrist, Edilene (I don’t think it will be a problem naming her here, it’ll be easier for me, that’s for sure…)… Karsten was with me…. And we happened upon the subject of my “little manias” that come about a few times a week, and suddenly she was all ears…. She usually IS all ears as is, but I think this surprised her, and it could prove to be a game changer……
The thing is, I get these….. Episodes? I guess you would call them episodes…. I get these episodes, where I get restless, somewhat hyper, seemingly very energetic, I talk really really fast, and very loudly, and my thoughts run wild, and I change the subject every five seconds…. I call them little manias, because I don’t know how else to describe them, or what to call them…..
They usually occur in the afternoon….. They usually come about somewhere between 11 am and 3-4 pm…. And they CAN last for a good long while…. Not days, but hours, maybe…. And they come about a couple of times a week…. I usually am not aware in the beginning myself, but it will occur to me, sometimes, after a while…. And Karsten notices right away, and he tells me, usually when I run too fast for him to follow….. And I try and see if I cannot tone it down a bit, but I usually fail…. I will try and shut up, though…. And it seems to be mostly the talking and the intense energy that he has trouble following….
Now, I get a lot of medication…. It has been more, but over the past couple of months, since April 7th, to be specific, I have decreased the dose of one of my medications…. And I seem to be doing okay 🙂
The thing is, this antidepressant, of which I am now on max dosage, might be preventing me from having depressed episodes…. So I seem to swing between normal and milder mania….
The next course of action for me, when I get back from Indonesia in August, is to try and cut down the dose of the anti-psychotic I am taking…. Because I am not psychotic, and if I have Borderline Personality Disorder, then there is no reason for me to take anti-psychotics….. If, on the other hand, it turns out that my little manias get worse, or more severe, then it may turn out that I do NOT have Borderline Personality Disorder after all, but Bipolar Disorder, in some form, instead…. In which case the treatment should be different from what the plan is…..
But time will tell, I guess 🙂 I AM intrigued, to say the least… 🙂 But this could change everything… 🙂
Edilene DID tell me this, though: EUP/Borderline and Bipolar are differential diagnoses (sp?), which means that many of the symptoms are the same, and one is often mistaken for the other, both the one way and the other way around… So, maybe….. Just maybe…. All this time, we have had me all wrong… 🙂 Or, not ALL wrong, but, you know….. 🙂
That was actually what I wanted to say 🙂 I am sorry for the, probably fairly lengthy post, but, as you know, it’s been a while 😉 And I really AM sorry for that….. Sometimes life takes an unexpected turn, and you just have to adjust to that new situation as best you can… 🙂
2013 was both a blessing and a curse for me…. 🙂 But I am here now…. I AM feeling better/more optimistic…. 🙂 That has got to count for something, right? 🙂
It is three in the morning…..some of the birds have woken up, and are happily singing…. 🙂 I am not sure I CAN go back to sleep, but I should probably try….. If I am unsuccessful, who knows, I might try my hand at this blogging thing again 😉
But for now, my loves, be safe…. And be fantastic! ❤